Hello and Happy December! This month I would like to take a look under the hood of the holiday season and examine the “not-so-Hallmark” truth that may typically go undiscussed. The reality is this time of year can stir a variety of emotions from overwhelm and stress to joy and connection. So, what is it that conjures up such a range of feelings and how can we navigate this? How is it possible to get back to the roots of the giving season without losing our minds? I will share my personal examination into my ghosts of Christmas’ Past. Let’s dive in!
A Quick Personal Story:
I will begin with a quick personal story. Over the Thanksgiving holiday, John and I traveled down to San Diego where we met several other family members to celebrate. It was a nice five-day getaway. What surprised me was the overwhelm and pressure I felt the day after our return home. I couldn’t put my finger on it, but I felt a sense of dread or anticipatory anxiety. It dawned on me that, by being back to “reality”, the Christmas holiday was suddenly thrust upon me! I know, it isn’t like Christmas is a surprise each year, but I have been living life on a moment-by-moment basis and at this particular moment, I realized the holiday would be here before I knew it!
So Why the Unease?
This got me very curious, and I sat with these feelings for a bit. Why would the “most wonderful time of the year” cause me so much unease? Perhaps it is the underlying expectation that this holiday must be magical; to add to that, somehow, I feel sole responsible for creating that magic. My to-do list became a source of resentment and prompted some more questions: what is this all for? What is setting this magical bar so high? Is this stress I feel self-induced and a result of my own perfectionism? What are my intentions around gift-giving? Is it joyous or is it obligatory? Most importantly, how can I experience joy during this season without the complimentary sense of worry? That quick examination helped me to see things differently.
Even Scrooge Appreciated Christmas’ Past
I am not trying to suck the fun right out of the holidays but as I have gotten older, I tend to question anything that makes me question myself. I was questioning my feelings of stress and turned to the past to bring me back. This time of year, highlights nostalgia-bias at its finest! It is easy to think back to most holidays and feel a sense of wistfulness. As kids we saw this time of year as nothing but magical – then, getting older, responsibility sets in, and the magic is quickly diluted by to-do lists and expectations. In all the hustle and bustle, it becomes too focused on “presents” and not “presence”. Think back to being young – what was so enchanted about this time? Desperate to recenter and find the joy of the season, I brought myself back to those thoughts. This was sort of a grounding exercise. I recalled how much I loved shopping for our kids when they were small and seeing their faces as they opened their gifts. Remembering times that we would gather at our home for Christmas brunch and family would stay all day through dinner. Although I do recall it was stressful, it was the connection that brought me joy. This may seem completely counter-intuitive but reminiscing on the past actually helped me to be more mindful of the present.
Making our Present the Present
What if for one Christmas, we decided to make it less about what we give and more about the energy behind the exchange. What if it is as easy as our presence being our present? This year, I have decided to just relax and not freak out. Giving doesn’t have to be monumental! If we are giving something with the intention of creating joy, love and connection (even if it is as simple as a card or a flower) it is the energy behind the giving that may be the most important thing. Personally, gift-giving is not my “love language” (maybe that is why this time of year stresses me out); however, what I do enjoy and what brings me peace is spending time with those I love and care about – that fills my heart!
In Closing…
During this busy time of year, it is easy to get lost in everything that needs to be done and become overwhelmed and anxious. Finding presence through reflection helped me to recenter and embrace the magic of the holiday. Focusing on my intention behind giving rather than the gift itself is a helpful reminder of what this season is all about! I hope my story resonated with you and that you too find comfort in memories and nostalgia, and joy through connection and love!
Happy Holidays!
Adriana