A personal story about change and acceptance
From Spring Fever to Summer Confessions
Hello and Happy July! I hope you are enjoying a nice summer so far. It has been a while since my last edition; the last time I appeared in your inbox it was springtime to be exact. Now, here we are a month into summer and I feel the need to explain what has been happening behind the scenes. This is a bit of a confession edition so I appreciate your patience with the change of format. The truth is, the last few years have been a whirlwind of growth and self-exploration, and I have made a few discoveries that I would like to humbly share.
Pressure to Perform
In my April edition, I talked about the pressure to perform. It is real. When I look back on my life, I can see that I have spent a lot of time measuring my worth in what I earned rather than my contribution to the world around me. There was a looming sense of responsibility I felt to start a new business – to somehow justify my reasons for walking away from a successful career in real estate. As if a new business would validate my choices. The irony is that I was trying to build a new business that embraced well-being, self-improvement, acceptance and mindfulness, all the while not truly accepting that may not be the right path for me. I love helping others find their truth; however, I was not embracing my own.
Desire to Serve
The strong desire to make a difference in other’s lives helped to fuel me during my time in real estate. Since leaving the business, that desire to be of service grew more intense. I have a deep need to truly make a positive impact on those I encounter. One day, while I was meditating, I asked for guidance. On this particular day, our youngest daughter asked me to come over and help her get organized. I felt a sense of stress; as if her request was distracting me from my “purpose”. While meditating, I asked how I can be of service to others in an impactful way. The message I received was unexpected and shifted my thinking immediately. “Helping those in need, especially those closest to you, is your purpose – your actions create a ripple outward – focus on the ripple”. In other words, all those “distractions” are part of my path, not obstacles to be overcome on my path. This small shift in perspective has changed everything for me.
Purpose is a Lofty Word
Within the circles of personal growth and development, the word “purpose” carries a significant weight. We are told that life is all about finding this illusive objective – the reason we are here – our dharma, if you will. But what if our purpose is not the destination, rather it is the path itself (the journey)? Since that meditation, I have truly shifted how I view my reason for existence. Now, instead of feeling useless or misguided, I do my best to be mindful of every relationship in my life, every small action I take, conversation I have, decisions I make and most importantly, how I make others feel. This mindfulness has given me more insight into who I am and why I am here. Being intentional in every moment may sound tedious but I have come to realize that intentionality is my purpose. Awareness of how I impact others (even in the smallest of ways, good or bad) is what life is about. Awareness, therefore, truly is the key!
Permission to Let Go
While trying to find myself, my reason for being here and what I am meant to “do” (as a vocation), led me down a path of avoidance. Interestingly, I found that I was constantly distracted, procrastinating and fearful. Then, one day, John came home from lunch with a friend and said, “I told my friend you were retired. It was just easier to explain”. This declaration felt like permission to let go of the idea that I had to earn my worth. To start a new business that I was not even sure I wanted to start, and to monetize my desire to help others. After that lunch, I started writing just for fun. I started producing more guided meditations because I found pleasure in the act of creating them. I suddenly felt a sense of freedom and, hopefully as a biproduct, I was having a positive impact on those who listen to my meditation tracks.
What Life Looks Like Now
In May of this year, after decades of careful planning, John officially retired from his corporate job. We have both embraced this new chapter. We are still working on what the next years in our lives will look like and we both feel the pull to be of service to others. I have lofty goals and a vision; however, for now, we have decided to take a “gap-year” – without the pressure to perform. With that said, I still plan to blog, to write and record meditations and to stay true to my intentions of positively impacting those I encounter in my daily life. Maybe one day in the future, John and I will coach as a team since we find joy in helping others and we have always worked very well together; but, for now, we plan to embrace the space we have created in our lives with intention and awareness.
Thank You!
I want to thank everyone who has supported me, and all my changes over the past three years. Writing is something I absolutely LOVE to do (until someone tells me I have to monetize it)! So, I will continue to write; perhaps more sporadically, but I would still love to share my insights with those who like to read them. If you have read this far, I would love to hear from you! Let me know if you have any comments or questions. I hope to see you in the next chapter, and again, thank you for your kindness and encouragement!
In gratitude,
Adriana (and John)
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