Hello and welcome to February! The month of January went far too fast, so I wish you all a belated Happy New Year! With a new year comes a clean slate, right? We make resolutions; we resolve to make improvements, to be better than last year, do more than the year before that, etcetera, etcetera. It can feel shiny and exciting or overwhelming and daunting depending on your perspective. Personal growth is a slippery slope and can quickly get out of hand. This month, I would like to discuss a few simple concepts that can help keep personal growth and development in perspective while still making progress towards any goal.
Values and Anti-Values
It doesn’t have to be a new year to evolve as a human, however, many people choose to set a resolution or a few resolutions for the year ahead as a means for growth. Instead of a huge goal or challenge, this year I chose three “words” in lieu of an overwhelming resolution. Having had success with this in the past, I determined three words that align with my core values and set the “theme” or the tone for the year ahead. Ok, perhaps I just don’t like being told what to do; however, this seems to be a better approach for me personally. I am currently in a group coaching program where we did an exercise to find our core values. We did so by first finding our “anti-values”; those things that truly get under your skin or that you find upsetting. This was an enlightening exercise. Although the result uncovered values I was already aware of, it revealed those values from a new and more useful perspective. It is easy to designate positive attributes like compassion or honesty as core values, but it’s even more effective when you dig deeper and imagine the opposite of those shiny attributes in action. This helped me to better understand why I consider my core values important in the first place. With so much “noise” out there and a plethora of media to mentally ingest, it is easy to lose sight of what is true to who we are. Values can act as a compass that guides us towards our goal. With our compass we need a map – that map is our vision.
Vision and Emotion
We have all heard of the book “The Secret” which now prompts many to roll their eyes with contempt. Same with vision boards and the like; however, I believe having a vision of what is desired can be very useful. Using pictures of key elements that spark joy can be motivating. Visualizing is more than just pretty pictures though; visualizing works best when used in concert with emotion. Personally, visualizing is not always easy for me; I have found that tapping into how I want to feel works better. For example, a goal of early retirement might be difficult to visualize; we may not know what that looks like (we don’t know what we don’t know). However, imagining yourself feeling free and at peace, those emotions may be more accessible. Couple that with pictures of things that invoke that response, and you have a recipe for creating a personalized vision. To better understand the desired feelings, it is important to ask “why” questions. Using the early retirement example, you might ask, why do I want to retire early? So, I can be on my own schedule. Why is that important? I would like more time to travel and see the world. Knowing this, images of beaches or travel destinations reminding you of your “why” would help to incite those feelings. Getting clear on what is desired begins with a feeling. Those feelings are powerful! Core values plus a vision amplified by feelings can have one common roadblock to be aware of – our beliefs.
Beliefs and the Inner Critic
This is where things get a little dicey. Our beliefs originate from whatever conditioning we have been exposed to. This can be from our upbringing to our formative years in school with our peers to our adult work life. Regardless of the origination, those beliefs are there, and they usually show up in our own voice. I recently did an exercise where I spent a day paying attention to that little voice – that running dialogue in my head, and I took note. This is the inner critic, and I will tell you, mine is not very nice! Honestly, we wouldn’t be friends in real life because she is kind of a bitch! This sounds a little “out there” I know, but try it. I challenge anyone reading this to pay attention to that inner critic for a day. What does it say? How many thoughts are good and encouraging? More importantly, are those thoughts true? Challenging these thoughts is key because they form our beliefs, and our beliefs form our reality. There is a saying that goes something like this, “whether you think you can or you think you can’t, you are right”. If we argue for our own limitations, we usually win.
I am not proposing we all start our day by looking in the mirror and saying affirmations – that would not work. We must believe what we are saying. We must “act as if” – no, not “fake it till you make it”, I prefer “be it till you see it”. This is not about toxic positivity; this is about recognizing the power that is within us – the power of our thoughts. Typically, there is evidence of the contrary; recalling accomplishments or times when we felt personal wins can help to conquer that inner critic. It all begins with awareness. There are some quick ways to reframe our thoughts to work for us rather than against us. For example, “I don’t have what it takes to learn new things” can become “I am capable of learning new things that excite me and align with my values”. The next step is to find proof that the new statement is true (it is there if you look for it!). Taking time to recognize, pause those hindering-thoughts, and then reframe them, can positively impact how we show up in the world – sound over-stated? Try it!
In Closing
Any new beginning starts with foundational values, a vision that arouses emotion and the internal dialogue that is running in the background forming our personal beliefs. Our values and our vision are at the heart of our desires; however, without an understanding of our deep-seated beliefs, our inner critic can run the show. An awareness of all three components can be a catalyst for big change. What resolutions or changes have you made this year? I would love to hear from you!
Thank you,
Adriana
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