At the end of this month, I will be turning fifty! Being raised with a fear of aging, turning fifty has been something I have worked to embrace (obviously or I wouldn’t be writing this!). As time goes by, I have been reflecting on my life and working to bring my values into focus. The older I get, the more I seek out those things that align with my core values and the less tolerance I have for things that do not. I will always be a student and life is my classroom! This month, I thought I would write about a few key things I have learned so far in my half a century here on this planet! I hope you enjoy it and that some of the lessons resonate with you. Also, please feel free to reach out to me with any wisdom you have learned along your journey here as well!
Lesson One: Worry less about the words and more about the impact.
There is a saying, we have all seen it on various décor and on social media in the form of memes or reels; it says something like this, “people may not remember exactly what you said but they will always remember how you made them feel”. Reflecting on encounters with others, I can recall certain themes of the conversations we had but how I felt afterwards is what usually what has the biggest impact. Thinking of any altercation, disagreement, argument or even full-blown fight, sometimes there is no recollection of what the actual issue was, but the residual feeling can speak volumes. Those feelings can linger for a lifetime! Every day before I mediate, I set the intention to be responsible and aware of the impact I may have on others and to do my best to make sure it is a positive one. It is something I strive to improve upon each day.
Lesson Two: I still don’t know what I want to be when I grow up (and that’s ok).
I believe life has a way of revealing our path when we are ready to see it. If our light is shining bright enough, the path is more easily illuminated. I have learned that it is less to do with vocation. Perhaps the better question we should be asking kids when they are young is “what kind of person do you want to be when you grow up?”. The concept of finding one singular “purpose” is a bit daunting. What I found is that there are many things I love to do, and I can lose myself doing them. When I am in that space of doing the things I love, I feel my energy lifting; I can feel my light getting brighter if you will. What if when your light is shining, you are never lost? There is a lot of hype and pressure when it comes to “finding your purpose” but what if it is simple? What if our purpose is merely combining those things we love to do with being of service to others? What if it is more about how we carry ourselves in the world or who we impact and how? Just like I mentioned last month, our essence – our ripple effect – can be more powerful than we realize. At fifty, I may not know exactly what I want to be when I grow up, but all I can be sure of is what kind of person I want to be.
Lesson Three: Reality is an interpretation.
In the words of author Wayne Dyer, “When you change the way you look at things – the things you look at change”. I have found that we can make our own personal Heaven or our own personal hell out of our lives if we choose. Growing up with dysfunction and chaos, there were a lot of people and circumstances I would have been justified to blame or be angry with. However, as I grew older, harboring those feelings felt more difficult to me than simply letting them go. By letting go of that baggage, I created space for better things. Ultimately, I may not have had a say in what happened in my past, but I did have a choice of how to respond. My husband and I both like to say that it is not the damage that was done that matters – it is the repair. I like to take it a step further and say, it is also, our interpretation of events that can help to create our reality. Personally, I have chosen to see them all as my teachers helping me to grow and shine.
Lesson Four: Silence and stillness are actually productive.
When I was little, being bored was just horrific! I remember sitting in my room and being forced to entertain myself. I just found myself consoling our five-year-old grandson who was complaining of his affliction with boredom; I told him that boredom is the fertile ground of creativity. I meant those words! For the last 1,946 days in a row as of today, I have meditated each morning. That silence – that moment to myself in stillness is my favorite part of the day. I believe that has helped me to be more aware of my thoughts and not identify with them. This practice has helped me be more productive and grow in many ways. I could write an entire article on just this but for the sake of this edition, I will simply say that boredom is a good thing!
In Closing
We all learn as we age. For me, turning fifty has felt a bit liberating in some ways. I do not feel my age and I believe age is a state of mind. Staying true to my values has been a vital part of aging with grace. For me, aging with grace means to always be learning. Always be willing to be flexible – to be wrong. Always allow for time to be bored – to find peace and to shine your light because if your light is shining – it is possible to illuminate all of those around you.
I hope you found some value in this. I would love to hear from you! Please share your lessons with me and cheers!
Very warmly,
Adriana